I Need a Break! - Then Take One!

A matter of values

Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash

It is sad to see how people fight at work to do all the things needed to succeed in the job; for the company to succeed — and in the process forgetting about themselves, or perhaps, neglecting their own needs for the bigger cause.

And then one day, they break down. They have driven themselves to an end from where they cannot get back, they are over the edge, their way back is beyond their capacity — they are burned out.

The Yang in the Yin (the light in the dark)

When people burn out, it feels like a total defeat. It often comes on top of having burned the candle in both ends, so it is not strange that it happens, but it is still such an anti-climax for the one involved that it really feels like the end. Like there is nothing left to burn, no work capacity, no life.

And that is where the tiny bit of good comes in: because being where it is still possible to feel all this, means that there is still some life left.

They are still not at the real end, even though it feels like it.

Blame the society

Even though it is too easy to blame anything or anyone else for what happens to one self, it is not unreasonable in this case. It would be too much to claim that “society” as a phenomena can be blamed for anything, as there are many societies — different countries, different culture spheres in any specific country, and different circles with different traditions where the individual belong more or less to some of, but rarely to all of this.

It is, though, quite obvious that many people feel that they must show strength and success, and also that these features are connected with functioning well as a wheel in the machine, i.e., being a piece in the puzzle of people in a big company, taking commands and being judged by others, delivering an extra effort for the sake of the company.

In most cases, doing so is the very essence of being part of the society: it allows for talking about your job, mentioning how you managed to fix a problem that others couldn’t, how busy you are (understood: because your efforts are so important), and what perspectives this whole thing opens up to, including potential promotions or being discovered by important players in this business, maybe leading to a dream career.

And talking like this leads to appraisal from your surroundings, perhaps with an occasional “Congratulations!” for your success. But nobody ever asks you about how you, personally, feel. The success is a superficial thing, strictly tied to doing all the formalistic right things in a company; including obeying your boss, elbowing your competitors, ruling your subordinates, and being strategic while playing the political game right.

It is never about you, it is about your role. Like if life was a movie.

When your role leaves you behind

There is a strange logic in business: if you do a lot of work well, it means that you are capable of doing a lot of work, so you will get more — and more — until you are no longer capable of doing it all well.

At that time it is difficult to get rid of the extra work, even though you could really need that, having been overloaded for too long. You may ask directly if your boss could distribute some of it to some others, but you are not likely to succeed, as he or she has already seen that you can handle it, and the easiest is to not make any changes. And your colleague, who doesn’t have a lot to do, has other plans for the next few weeks — something about painting the house, or whatever, and we cannot interfere with those plans, can we?

Your role is to be the slave of the company, it is clear now, and you cannot escape it.

So you try to make a deed out of it, win on it. For a while you probably believe that it is possible, that you will even come out on the other side stronger and with all the work done, in a position where you are now a hero with all the hard work behind you…

But of course not. Nobody will thank you for the extra work, for leaving your own life behind in order to please the role and the company, and you are likely to just get more work, no thanks, and sooner or later be pushed aside when you are not needed anymore, since your sacrifices have lead to your boss getting a promotion to where he doesn’t need you.

The exact situation can be different, but it is most often something about feeling that you must do a lot but have no way of escaping it. And nobody cares.

It can happen that you don’t care yourself, that you have simple left your own needs and sound judgment of the situation behind, now consisting only of the role.

And that is when the hammer hits you.

When you have outrun your shadow

Congratulations! You did all the right things, according to society norms, and here is your reward: total failure. A personal breakdown, because the role is being hit and the self isn’t there anymore — has been left in oblivion for too long and has no strength to rescue you.

It now takes time for the two to find each other, or, indeed, for you to find yourself. Redefine yourself, making sure that you will move forward as one complete person in the future.

If you have a future. Even though it is an old (an evil) myth that a burnout is forever and destroys a person beyond repair, there are still society norms to consider — if your boss, colleagues, relatives, supermarket clerks, hairdressers, bank clerks, whoever, start treating you as a being beyond repair, it can become some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

But if you are being treated as someone who really did their best and just reached the end of their capacity, reached their limit, which is now known, you may be allowed back in. You will be seen as weaker now, meaning that your boss and other competitors will be less afraid of you and perhaps less tough on you.

Most people who come back to the same job leave it again after six months. It is like Columbus having found the West-way to India — now the search is over, there are no more goals to pursuit. Work becomes dull when all the dreams are dead and all the illusions revealed.

The headline

It was a message posted on LinkedIn, as a cartoon: One person says “I’m exhausted, I need a break!”, the other replies “Then take one!” — and then some further dialog, leading to a conclusion that we are all masters of our own lives.

As 99% of other posts on LinkedIn, this was probably meant to sell something, but I don’t remember what. I just caught this main part of the dialog, and I find it characteristic for a new style of how we see the work life — that we are not slaves, we can actually make decisions about our own efforts, based on our own needs. And there are people around us who may support us in such decisions.

The modern way to avoiding a burnout is to manage one self. In several ways: literally, by being allowed to decide on work hours, deadlines, the overall flow of a project or activity, the engagement level with colleagues, etc. — all based on what seems fit, not what someone else dictates. But also metaphorically, by making sure to have that inner dialog, to not leave yourself behind, bringing the full you forward and into every task, taking proper considerations to remaining healthy and not all the time spend every last drop of juice left on the role, but leaving a significant portion of it on yourself.

This is part of the modern leadership paradigm. People last longer this way, so it is probably also connected with good economy for the company — but that is not the reason for doing it! The reason is that people matter. They are not just parts of a big machine, they are individuals with their own needs that are more important than the traditional company needs.